When your person says something that is not true now, "I need to pick up the children," "Where is my mother?", you do not have to correct it. Correcting the fact ("your mother passed years ago") can deliver fresh grief, again and again, because the memory does not hold. Instead, meet the feeling behind the words. This is the heart of validation.
Try stepping into their reality with a gentle, curious response: "Tell me about your mother. What was she like?" The need underneath, for safety, comfort, or belonging, is real even when the details are not. You are answering the need, not the error. This is not lying. It is kindness, and it works because it reaches the emotional brain that is still very much present.
Emotion-first communication also lives in touch and presence. Hand-under-hand is a simple, powerful technique: instead of doing things to your person, slip your hand under theirs so theirs stays on top and in control, and guide gently from underneath. It uses lifelong muscle memory, lowers resistance, and calms through steady, respectful touch. Use it for eating, dressing, brushing teeth, and walking together.
The thread through all of it: when logic fails, lead with emotion and connection. Comfort the feeling, honor the need, and stay warm. That is the language the dementia brain still understands.